weekend most productive in a long period. faces reseen. button reset. time can pass once more.
hung out with work colleagues that i didn't think would be possible to be sociable with. brandy helped me. wine helped them.
hung out with new people. wish old people were there as well.
loved he way we have evolved. hate the way things have changed.

felt guilty. felt happy. felt confident. felt shy. felt tired. felt nervous. felt shy.

im starting to turn into a freak, every time im in an "alone" situation, i feel twitchy when there seems to be some kind of pressure for me to say the right thing. my head starts shaking, mini vibrations. then i make an excuse to say that i am cold, and do a bigger shake to mask it all.

she was sitting to right of me. so we was all conversing. then languages apart from mine was exchanged. assured and convincing expressions were shared between them. i sensed disappointment, but i didn't want to show it. so i just looked down and played with my mobile.
they were all leaving. i wasn't going to sit solo. but i still had my drink, they still had theirs. i was clinging onto the unfinished drinks as a reason to prolong the exit. i reluctantly prepared myself to leave with them.
she faced me, "do you want to stay for one more drink?"
excited within i agreed with an ambiguous response, "i don't mind, yeah, whatever".
everyone said goodbye, they will be creating gossip on the way home.
we sat closer. her body faced mine. feet aimed directly in my direction. she was on my right hand side. i sat looking towards her when she talked. my head laying on my left arm. we barely changed positions.
why is she still here? this must be a good sign. then she tapped my hand to tell me a story. we touched for like one second. the feeling dissolved much later.

home time. feelings still held within.

some things i noticed that i liked about her:

she understand sarcasm. a lot.
she paints her fingernails red.
she has MANY idiosyncrasies.
she is open to suggestions.
she moves her hands expressing herself often.
she cannot stand still, she balances crooked on one leg.
she asked if i was ok a few times, when i met her friends.
she laughs overtly.
shes not afraid of the camera.
she recognised the libertines.